The fog has lifted

Last week I went on holidays. It is the first real break I’ve had in a couple of years. Whilst I’ve had annual leave and time off work over Christmas/New Year, I’ve generally had homework to do. This was the first time I’ve been able to actually shut off my mind. 

In the past month or so I’ve been struggling a lot with “brain fog” and sensory overload. Between work, the illness, public transport annoyances, rehearsals, family, friends, boyfriend and pets I’ve had no quiet space left in my head. Even meditation music has had me on edge. I was at breaking point. My planned holiday could not have come sooner. 

Finally, I was at the beach!

No work, no public transport, no rehearsals, no family, no friends and no pets. Just me and my boyfriend in a quiet resort on the beach. 

Whilst I still had my illness with me, I at least had peace from everything else in my life. As a result, the fog has lifted and I no longer feel my senses are overloaded. Somehow, it has made me feel lighter. 

However, I did dread returning to work yesterday. It wasn’t the thought of going back to work that I dreaded…it was the thought of stepping back into the real world where my illness resides and slowly takes over me. I still carry with me the fear of how the illness leaves me feeling. With 6 months until the Christmas break, I worry about how I’ll make it through this next stretch.